off the grid - bane or boon? part 2

sunrise:  4:50

Early this month my son forwarded a N.Y. Times article with the subject heading: "Your Brain on Computers."  There is irony in the fact that our family's subsequent discussion about society's over-saturation with electronic communications all took place via email.

That's just one example of many that reveals the two faces of the beast that has insinuated itself into our lives (and I reveal my own bias).   This blog post is another.  Yes - there are phenomenal advantages to our new capabilities of communication.  We are connecting with other human beings in some ways as we never have before - sharing ideas, sharing news, provoking each other to further thought.

And yet -- we are becoming increasingly DIS-connected from each other in real time.  Even in each other's physical presence, we are often oblivious to one another.  Our attention is electronically directed elsewhere.

The physiological and neurological results on human brains are examined in this article, which is truly worth reading beginning to end.  Our brains are changing, but is it significantly more or faster than they have changed over the course of human history?  Are the changes really bad, or just transformative?  The author does not take a side.

Personally, I think we are becoming enslaved.  Technology craving is compared to other addictions.  Anything which demands the kind of attention and creates the kind of distraction that technology has put upon us cannot be all good.

J and I recently heard a radio interview with Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist leader, thinker, writer, and very spiritual man.  He talks about deep listening, listening with all of our attention and focus, in order to better understand each other.  He talks a great deal about being fully present in the moment.  It is crucial to our stability as living beings.  Many of our global problems would be solved, he feels, if more people would practice being fully present and listening deeply.

My recent two day removal from the constant stream of global input was revealing.  I am forgetting how to be with other people fully, and how to be alone with myself, without the regular stimuli that offer us something, always another something to respond to.

A lot of us need to go on a crash diet of technology restriction.  Perhaps that will be the next fad - books and speakers and traveling seminars and franchises opening up around the country - all aimed at helping modern humans reduce our technological obesity.

On this past weekend's Prairie Home Companion, radio show hosted by Garrison Keillor, there was a comic sketch about a summer camp for technology addicts.  As always, the humor is funny because it has a wry ring of truth.  

This new addiction is the subject of the day, of the hour, of the minute.  And here I sit, diligently sending out the message via cyberspace, adding to the input abroad.  I feel the incongruity between thought and action, but I hope my scribblings may be of some value, like the NY Times article, or the the Thich Nhat Hanh radio broadcast, or the Garrison Keillor comic sketch.



People are out there, feverishly listening, reading, scanning, processing.  If some of that input leads them to reconnect with their real worlds a little bit - the world of people, objects, plants and animals with whom they share a physical presence - then maybe it can do some good.

off the grid - bane or boon? part 1

sunrise:  4:49

June 20, 2010

No pink sky, no sun. Just rain and fog this morning. Getting up extra early was a moot point, except for the view of a departing cruise ship as is passed through the western way.
I also watched a group of animals swimming or hunting or playing around the surface of the water. Too far away to identify, but I think they were sea otters (J says seals). They did not curl over the surface of the water, they plowed through head first in short bursts. There were at least three, swirling the water in circles all around each other in a kind of dance. I am determined now to get binoculars this summer.

Headed back home today for T’s piano recital. Two nights is hardly enough time to begin to settle into the rhythms of the island. I felt like an addict going through detox yesterday. Electronic communications and information gathering fill my day, sunup to sundown, all through the year. I am more plugged in than I cared to acknowledge.

J kindly accompanied me on a walk around the shoreline searching for a signal on which I could piggyback temporarily so I could post my blog entry. This was not very island-like behavior. I wandered around in circles half the day trying to figure out what to do with myself.

When I’m back out here for a longer stretch, I’ll have to either pay for some kind of temporary access (which I can find from certain pieces of the shoreline, though not from my house), or I’ll have to resign myself to being off the grid for a while. Posts will come in an accumulated form when I return to the land of wired in.

Happy solstice to all - wherever you may be. 

Sutton Island

APOLOGY TO REGULAR READERS:  I have discovered that there are some places I will be this summer that have no wireless signal.  I will continue to write a daily post, but will have to wait until I return to civilization to publish them on line.

sunrise: 4:48

Sutton Island. A nice change of scenery.

Arrival day always seems to be an arduous, sweaty affair, including a sprint for the ferry boat while heavily laden with groceries in bags and anxious dogs in a tangle of leashes – but it’s always worth the effort. The boat drops us off at the town dock, and we walk. We make our leisurely, albeit weighted down way along the footpaths which are the only mode of travel around this mile long island haven.

Sutton Island came into my life in the summer of 1979. I visited my boyfriend (now husband) at his family’s summer place off the coast of Maine. I fell in love with the place. Even though it is on the ocean and not on a lake, it is reminiscent of the Adirondacks where I spent every childhood summer. It is a place that allows you to continue believing in magic at any age. You retreat. You relax. You observe the rhythms of the earth and feel yourself connecting with them in a deeper way.

It was an act of near insanity to buy our own house on Sutton in 1994, but it felt like a once in a lifetime opportunity. Sometimes it feels like a perpetual burden – leaky roof, crumbling foundations, unstable deck, broken pipes, broken windows, cantankerous septic system, flickering lights…

...but then we sit on the front porch and watch the sun come up. Or we watch a flight of birds stream by, or a lobster boat out on the water. Or we just listen to the hush of wind through spruces and the steady beat of waves sweeping over a rocky shore. It is like living immersed in a heavenly apparition.

It’s nice to be here.

****************

I missed the best of the pink sky this morning. It came a full half hour before sunrise and I was still in the house. I’ll have to get out there tomorrow even earlier.

core work

sunrise:  4:49

My exercise class finishes for the summer this week, and I approach the next three months with shaky confidence in my ability to maintain the strength of my core on my own.  The figurative meanings are not accidental here.

One of the primary catalyzing forces behind this year long blog project was the report last fall that I had an unstable core.  Yet another back injury had me off tennis for 9 weeks, and the physical therapist delivered the bad news about my core.  It felt like an ominous diagnosis at the time, and I wondered about the core of my inner self in a broader sense.  I needed more stability in the core of my being as well.

That's when a friend said to me, "Have I got the class for you!"  Six months of Mary's class have transformed my physical strength and stability.  It is all about the core, the trunk, the torso, the "powerhouse."  I was utterly humbled to discover how much weakness there was in the most important part of me. 

There was an article in the June 8th Bangor Daily News about back surgeries.  They are on the rise in number and happening sooner than they used to.  People want a quick fix and surgeons are obliging.  What they didn't stress enough was that so many back problems would be solved by regular exercise.  Bad backs are a symptom of an unstable core. 

So much of our society seems to be plagued by core instability, and one has to assume that our sedentary nature is the culprit.  Our abdominal and back muscles don't work enough, don't move enough, don't stretch and bend and strengthen enough while we're sitting at desks, in the car, on the sofa, in front of TV's and computers.

We don't need surgery, we just need exercise.

Beyond the physical benefits of Mary's class, it created a routine of exercise for me - with a bunch of other women who became familiar faces, who expected to see me there.  They helped to strengthen my motivational core as well.  Now I'll have to fly solo until after Labor Day.  I doubt I'll be able to maintain the same rigor without that structure, but I hope I can find the drive to keep from slipping back into vulnerable instability.

The news article made it clear that I am not alone in my physical instability, and I suspect that a more profound instability may be plaguing our entire society.  Core muscles, core strength, core principles, core values - too many people are trying to find easy shortcuts to all of them.  But there's nothing easy about any of it.  Without a lot of hard work, we'll all end up flat on our backs.

woo-hoo for men too!

sunrise:  4:49

This was the darkest dawn of the year so far.  However, even though it was pouring rain when I got up, my half hour walk was practically rain-free.

Porcupine update:  J trapped and relocated our FIFTH porcupine yesterday!  Dogs remain quill free.

Feeling lazy today -- 

I'm going to follow up on yesterday's post about sisters with this article that I wrote several years ago.  I'd like to give men their due.

Woo-hoo!  But Not for Women Only

I recently spent a getaway weekend with my two sisters, something we had never done before.  Sadly, it took an impending mastectomy as a catalyst to make us plan a trip together, and we promised each other on Sunday afternoon that we will not wait for another crisis to connect with each other again.  In spite of the ten years in age that separate us, we found ourselves profoundly linked with each other, and not just by biology.  We wandered around the city without a plan, ate when we felt the need, and marveled at the novelty of staying up and sleeping in as late as we wanted to.  And we talked.  We spent hours drifting from one subject to the next – books, religion, the state of the world, kids, food, husbands, sex, parents, and poignantly, given the impending surgery, our bodies.  We are all women, wives, and mothers.  There is a shared experience of relationship, emotions and anatomy between all women that transcends other differences.  That universal sisterhood is worth cherishing and celebrating.

There is, however, an occasionally darker side of the sisterhood that troubles me.  On returning home from my sister weekend, I opened an email from a female acquaintance.  It was one of those “Woo-hoo!  Girlfriends are the best!” email chains.  “Forward to at least ten friends, and you're a true sister, sister!”  I'm not usually much of woo-hoo'er, but given my recent female bonding with sisters, I read it more closely.

Now, I do love the women in my life – mom, sisters, girlfriends, even my mother-in-law.  But there is a troubling trend among celebrators of womanhood to celebrate at the expense of men.  This was a typical women's affirmation chain letter.  It called upon me to celebrate things like:  “We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves,” “We can talk about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway,” or, “If we marry someone 20 years younger, WE are aware that we will look like an idiot.”

The woman who initiated this chain had some serious negativity issues.  These were the words of a man hater, not a woman lover.

Why must we make a mockery of men in order to celebrate ourselves?  We live in one of the best times and best societies for women in history.  Women are becoming leaders of nations, and it may not be long before the United States has a woman president.  Women are working hard to help other women around the world, and little by little we are succeeding.

Sure, there are still inequalities in our society, but they go both ways.  Both men and women have opportunities that are denied to the other.  Both gender groups have attributes from which the other can benefit and learn.  We are equal in many ways, but we are not the same.  Isn't that a good thing?  Vive la difference!

Yes, men can be tiresome, but please, ladies, can you remember the girls in seventh grade?  Sadly, there are adult women out there who are still unleashing that seventh grader within.  Let's move beyond that world where bullies (male or female) have to drag people in the dirt in order to bolster their own wobbly self-esteem.

I am deeply grateful for the men in my life – my husband, son, brothers, dad, nephews, and many others.  My life is enriched by men who are caring, refreshingly no-nonsense, strong, funny, talented, and wise.  My daughters have benefited from the troops of male friends who became a part of our household during their school years.  Lovely as it is to be with women, it is often a relief to retreat to the society of men.  I am sick and tired of hearing jokes about stupid men.  What kind of message are we sending our young boys when crowds of women make an unrestrained mockery of what they are to become?

I do not suggest that the world revert to the eternal blandness of political correctness at all times.  My sisters and I are fortunate to love our husbands dearly, but sometimes a little laughter at their expense is irresistible.  In the face of the fears and stresses that so many of us face, laughter is an invaluable tool, as long as it is a loving laughter, not a bitter one.  We might do well to accept the jokes about us in return.  Women can be pretty silly.  If we are too sensitive to recognize our own foibles, we miss out on some giggles.

During our weekend meanderings we met several women who were intrigued by our sisters' trip and wanted to hear more.  One of them had gone through a mastectomy herself.  There we were, sharing tears and smiles with a total stranger.  It fills me with warmth just to think about it.  Wait, I think that was a hot flash.

To all the wonderful women out there:  I love the sisterhood that we share.  Nothing can replace the intensity of that womanly connection.  I also love men.  We women are strong, capable, and mutually supportive enough to build up all of the wonderful men and men-to-be in our lives at the same time that we build up ourselves.

Let's hear it for the guys - “Woo-hoo!”

sisters - for your health

sunrise:  4:49

Here are my three lovely daughters on T's graduation day, my favorite photograph from the weekend.

There is a repeated phenomenon of sister triumvirates in my life.  I am one of three sisters.  My mother is one of three sisters.  My grandmother was one of three sisters.  I have very close first cousins in a three sister group, and my mother-in-law is in another.

We are all so lucky.

Please don't imagine that I lack appreciation for brothers.  I adore my brothers and my son, and I love to witness close brother relationships.  But I am not a brother myself.  I am writing from a more personal standpoint about being and having a sister.

I was enormously grateful to my two older daughters for the love and support they gave their youngest sister last weekend.  It meant more to T than even she knows herself.  It fills me with hope and encouragement to see them devoted to each other as they grow through life.  What a boon that will be to them as life stumbles on.

Even when I go for long periods of time without being in touch with my own two sisters, there is something that buoys me up, knowing that they are out there in the world.  They are a connection to my past, but also to my heart and soul, my feminine core, my motherly wellspring.  I will always be at the ready to leap to their aid, and I trust they feel the same way towards me and each other.

Sisters do not have to be blood relatives either.  I've talked about this before ("hot women" post).  The company of women with whom we share a deep friendship creates a lifeline for us, or a security blanket, or a bowl of chicken soup.

(good shot of our bobolink)

A high school friend just sent the following blurb in an email.  It was pretty nice to learn that all those hours spent hanging out with sisters and girlfriends is good for our health.  Don't feel guilty about it any more!

A thought to share…

I just finished taking an evening class at Stanford. The last lecture was on the mind-body connection--the relationship between stress and disease.  The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends.  At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.  

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality  "girlfriend time" helps us to create more seratonin--a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being.  Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going.  Jobs? Yes.   Sports? Yes.  Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf?  Yes.  But their feelings?--rarely.  Women do it all of the time. We share from our souls with our sisters, and evidently that is very good for our health.  He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.  

There's a tendency to think that when we are "exercising" we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged--not true.  In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking!  So every time you hang out to shmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health!  We are indeed very very lucky.  

social hangover

sunrise:  4:49

Earliest sunrise of the year!  Another 6 days to the actual halfway point of 2010, but this feels like more of a milestone to me.  From now on, the sun will rise a little bit later every morning until some time in the first few days of 2011, when I'll be sleeping in! (or not...we'll see)

J was on call last night, and had to take some phone calls at around 3am.  Since he was awake, he joined the dogs and me outdoors this morning.  Always the practical sort, he lugged in some firewood from the glade.

J, T, and I sat down to dinner together last night for the first time in a while, all of us a bit disoriented in the aftermath of a high-intensity weekend.  In the first day or two following a huge event, tons of crowds, hyper mental and emotional engagement and social immersion, there is often a sort of after buzz in the atmosphere.  It feels as though the swirling energies of all those people linger in the air, filling the quiet.

Maybe you could call it a social hangover.








That's a bit how last night felt at the dinner table.  We all heaved a big sigh.  Talked about this and that.  Then we watched a mindless comedy before bed (Men Who Stare at Goats - very odd film).  No one had the energy for much more than that.

T's summer job starts in two days, and it's time for me to regroup and get back to my job.  My fledgling job.  Time to work on carving out a writing life.