bumping into walls

sunrise:  6:21

 J and I were both feeling the emptiness of our household this weekend.  We have been looking forward to a nice quiet weekend, no travel, no visitors, no big events.  Funny, though --- once we got there we were kind of lost, like Kate when she can't find a stick.  "Well.  What do you want to do?" The question hung there both spoken and unspoken several times.

We were kind of like those toys that trudge automatically forward until they bump into some obstacle, turn, and shuffle on again.

Read a magazine, look at the piano, contemplate a project, turn on the TV?  nothing on.  Check the old email again.  The phone rings - "I'LL GET IT!"  we both cry. 

I don't know if either of us realized quite how thoroughly directed our "free" time has been for the last 23 years.  There are always kids around, kids at home, their schedules to mold to, or if they're around, there are jobs to do, examples to set, conversations to initiate.

On Friday night we dragged ourselves out of the house to attend a high school football game.  It was fun, even without being a relevant parent.  Yesterday after a slow start, we actually got around to doing some outdoor projects.  It's a question of re-identifying the motivation for doing everything we do.  In the past, it has always been somehow connected to creating a life to inspire, educate, and support the fertile, growing minds and bodies of our progeny and all of their young friends.

Now, when it is only for us, it takes a whole new mind set to kindle the motivation.

One thing is for sure.  It is a lot easier to be sharing the challenge than to be facing it alone. 

 The sky today reminded me of some paintings of the Maine coast that I saw years ago.  The variable color in the dawn sky would best be described as smears of light in the clouds.

 Here is a typical downward view, during the morning walk.  At least the dogs continue to give our lives one framework of definitive duties.  Not to mention a lot of affection and laughter.

why should I? contemplations on doing the right thing after seeing the latest sunrise of the year

sunrise:  7:20

Another drear dawn ascends damply into day.

There was just a hint of paler illumination in the sky across the river as we made the crossing through and beyond twilight.

Some of you may have noticed that I photograph the church across the Penobscot River quite often.  It is not because I am avidly Christian, or even avidly religious in any institutional way.  But I do find inspiration in beauty, and I find church steeples to be very beautiful.  This little New England church in the woods across the way provides a destination view for me.  Whoever came up with the idea that inspirational architecture can facilitate a religious experience had it right.

Inspiration to lift ourselves higher, to aspire (see the word spire in there?) to greater things in life -- that is largely the goal of religion.  But a lot of religion is also meant to urge people to do the right thing, live a moral life, and help other people in need.

Sometimes I have heard people wonder what could possibly inspire (there it is again!) human beings to give charitably, to make sacrifices for others, to work towards a greater good, without the dictates of a religious doctrine that requires it.  In some religions it is a more negative impulse, particularly during some earlier European iterations of Christianity.  The threat of eternal damnation is a powerful drive to deter people from screwing up while we're here in this earthly life.

I have put stock in the role of religion as a moral guide, but over time I have come to a new understanding of humanity.  Conversations with my biologist and atheist cousin defined it most distinctly for me.  My cousin makes a strong case in favor of humans making some sacrifices to help others in need, including paying taxes and supporting programs like welfare, based strictly on science.  Human beings are social animals, she argues.  It is in our nature, and in our best interests as a species, to take care of each other as a group.  Even though you may find the occasional hermit living in seclusion, humans are not designed to be a solitary species.  We depend upon each other for survival, so helping each other out is both natural and beneficial for our entire species.  A solitary ant won't live long or ensure its species' continued existence.  A busy colony is a thriving force of insistent life.

Religion has a strong place in feeding our spirits, in facilitating our coming together in congregations of mutually supportive people, but religion's role goes too far when it gets into power plays.  It has been the bane of our co-existence time and time again.


In his book, The End of Faith, Sam Harris makes an argument that religion should go away if we want to survive.  But I think that's throwing away the baby with the bathwater, as they say.  Religious institutions elevate us, lift our hearts, bring us together, fill us with love of each other and the world we're in.  That needn't go away.  But as far as providing a system of rules or regulations about how we should live, religion should back off.  The unyielding attachment to written scripture of some ancient past is a terrible, destructive mistake.   If we were to follow the more globally instinctive call of our species' nature to survive on this little planet, we would listen and do the right thing towards each other, all religion aside.

moments of feeling the emptiness

sunrise:  7:19

A gray, dreary, rainy day.  No photos today since I am subbing again for the district music teacher - middle and high schools.  Good day to have definitive work to do.

Yesterday I spent an hour or two on Mom business by phone -- listening, reassuring, assessing, opining, laughing and building up.  That laughing and building up part is most definitely a reciprocal benefit.

Funny how that role can still fill an afternoon, even with an empty nest.  That is the nature of our easy communications in this day and age.  It was a nice way to feel connected to my children, and well timed.  Now and again a day arises when I feel the emptiness of this house, and I long for the presence of my family.  Yesterday was one of those days.

Stopping to listen to one of my children in some kind of need, even an uncertain one, is worth every investment of time, even when I am interrupted in something I wish I could stay with.  Because it comes back to me twofold or tenfold when I might be the one in need!

addled brain

sunrise:  7:17

The colors of late fall often have the look of a painting

One of my daughters is a neuroscience major, and some day maybe she'll figure out the mystery of the addled brain.



I woke up the other day, ground the coffee, poured water in the machine, and sat down to look at the paper while coffee was brewing.  It was about 8 minutes later that the spitting and dripping noises finally registered as something unusual.  I had not put the coffee carafe in place.  What a mess.

The same day, half an hour later, I showed up on the tennis court with my shirt inside out.  Someone finally pointed it out about halfway through the match.  "You know, there is that new style with the seams on the outside.  I wasn't sure if you were just really in vogue, or not" 

Not.  Unless "dotty" is in vogue.  At least I provide comic relief for my friends.

It is always reassuring to have the conversation with others.  Seems like everyone has those moments when they run upstairs to get something, get to the top, and think..."what was it I was going to get up here?"  Or you're driving down the road to one place, and suddenly you find yourself on the road to someplace else, that you are more in the habit of driving to.  Auto pilot kicks in, conscious brain kicks out.

You just have to laugh, and hope it's the temporary kind.

**********

The apples must have fermented to just the right level now.  Clara is feasting on them every morning, as she did all January and February earlier this year.

dipping a toe into politics

sunrise:  7:16

These next few days give us our latest sunrises of the year, until Sunday morning when we'll fall back an hour, to 6:21am.  Strangely, I'm looking forward to the change.  When my dawn walks are crowded up against the days' appointments there is less time for leisurely contemplation.

In honor of the news of the day -- election results -- I am going to delve where I rarely delve.  My dad, always full of thought and philosophical inquiry, sent his 5 children a letter yesterday asking for our response to an article in the Wall Street Journal, by Dorothy Rabinowitz,  It's called "Why Obama is no Roosevelt."  It had some legitimate points, some subtle raging, and a lot of questions I am not equipped to answer.  I do not, as a rule, read much about the intricacies of politics or business theory.  Nevertheless, I wrote a reply to my father, which I will reprint here.

I would love to hear responses from my readers today, if you are so inclined -- right, left or in between.  This is an area in which I can stand to be further educated, and any thoughtful and intelligent insights will be appreciated.

***************

Hey Dad -- I came very close to sending that WSJ article to some of my friends, to ask their reaction to it. I am not well read or savvy enough about politics, business and healthcare to respond to most of these charges that I continue to hear against Obama. But I'll leave my friends alone and share my lightly informed thoughts.

I understand that there is a lack of connection that people are feeling with Obama, He is certainly not as great at instilling the nation with optimism and hope as he was during his campaign. I think he is genuinely frustrated and disappointed with the divisiveness of the nation, and maybe he's too honest about his frustration and disappointment.  A leader should put some rays of hope into his people, even if he's not feeling it. On the other hand, I don't think he's wrong about the fear and the whining!

I don't understand why they all think he has done such an abysmal job so far. As far as health care goes, the sense I get from those in the industry is that SOMETHING had to be done. It will take some time before we know if this something that we're trying will work or not. Business and the economy - who knows? Government gets more and less involved across the decades, and there are problems of some kind in every direction. Every new system that may look great in theory runs into trouble in practice, or so it seems to me in my ignorance.

One of the biggest problems I see in our country right now was illuminated for me at a seminar during T's parents' weekend at Emerson. It was about politics and the new media. The ever present barrage of easy political and social commentary are changing the face of politics (and everything else). The trend seems to be that with so much news, or pseudo-news to choose from, people tend to choose news that dovetails most nicely with their own opinions. You can find articulate arguments for just about anything out there now, and feel thoroughly validated in your beliefs.

As a result, we are becoming more and more factionalized, divided. Political blogs are HUGE now, and the most popular ones are definitively left or right. No one seems interested in reading stuff that balances the two sides out. Frankly, though I'm sure Dorothy Rabinowitz had a lot of intelligent points, I am irritated by her many barbs of sarcasm. It is the way of the media on both sides of the fence now, and I'm sick of it.

Bottom line for me is this, I guess. I wish Obama would show greater faith, pride, and respect for his country and fellow citizens, and I wish our country would show greater faith, pride and respect for their leader. But the latter hasn't been widely in vogue, it seems, since pre-Nixon days.

que sera sera

1st US view of dawn?

sunrise:  7:11 or thereabouts

J suggested that I report in my blog post that we left the house at 2am in order to drive the hour and a quarter to Mount Desert Island and hike up Cadillac Mountain and arrive at the top as the sun rose.  That was the ambitious idea...

Truth be told, we rushed away at 5:40am and arrived at the summit by car.  We were there in time to see the first dawn in the country, according to some (I am in the camp that argues that first dawn is at the easternmost point in the US, at West Quoddy lighthouse in Eastport, Maine -- see February 14 entry).  Cloud cover was dense, except for one sliver of horizon just north of the obscurity that thoroughly blocked the face of the sun itself.

After 50 years of visits to the island, this was J's 1st time ever up Cadillac.  It was my second.  Both times I have been pummeled by an incessant wind, but this one was an icy blast that stabbed right through fleece and denim.  Every puddle was glassy with ice.  One of the dozen or so dawn watchers arrived late, huddled in a very new looking down parka;

"Did we miss it?" he asked in a distinctly southern voice.  He gave a shiver and hunched his shoulders up against a gust of frozen air.  "Good thing we stopped at LL Bean, anyway.  When it's this cold, money is no object."

There haven't been too many sunrises that I've shared with a crowd -- Cadillac Mountain, Boston Harbor.  I'm usually alone in more private locations.  I like to see how many people brave the early hour and the elements to stand outdoors in the presence of blossoming day.

With its reputation of being the site of our nation's first dawn, it makes sense that many choose to be present on top of Cadillac for that uniquely illuminating moment.  It is as dependable and inevitable as anything in our human experience.  Something to be counted on, no matter what triumph or calamity has struck the world, whether we are there to witnesss it or not.  It is a powerful draw.

I wonder how often there is no one on the summit of Cadillac at sunrise.  ??  I suppose we'll never know.  If anyone ever goes to check, someone will be there.

********

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE

November is underrated

sunrise:  7:13

It was a lovely sunrise this morning.  A long, gray cloud bank made a stripe just above the horizon, so the sun was able to sneak its first rays toward the treetops before becoming obscured again, briefly.  It looks to be a nice clear day coming up.

November is here - two months of sunrise outings to go.  Among the many things I have learned to appreciate through this morning ritual is bird-watching.  One great thing about November is that I'm suddenly seeing birds again.  Foliage does a great job of hiding them throughout the growing season.

I look forward to November every year.  It's not just the advent of Thanksgiving, which I consider to be, perhaps, the best and most positive holiday celebration that our country shares.  I love the drama of the weather - the growing chill in the air, the shifting skies from gray to clear, rain to sleet to snow.  I am captivated by the myriad earthy colors of tree, stone, soil, shrub, and grasses that create exquisite landscapes that are thoroughly undervalued.  I love the pre-winter nesting that goes on indoors and out, the battening down, the shoring up, the bags of leaves packed around the mud room sill, the loads of wood in the basement.  This is a time of year to bundle up and walk on the frost-crunchy grass, see views through forests of trees with hard frozen branches that clack together in the breeze, feel the promise of spring buried beneath the earth's hard-packed dormancy.  It is a time to build fires and listen to music, read good books, watch football and movies, put soup or stew in the crockpot to simmer all day.  It is a time to sit inside a cozy house on a day of freezing rain and sleet, and count your blessings. 

"To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven."

No photos today - the camera is at large after taking these photos last night: