pre-spring trees in the rain:
In September of 1988 I called my mom to let her know the results of an ultrasound. We were worried that something was wrong with my pregnancy. Mom had been a bit concerned on my behalf already, since she felt I was having a second baby too soon; A. was only 16 months old when I found out that I was pregnant again.
"Well," Mom said after I reassured her, "Just wait a little longer before you have a third one."
(This came from the mother of five children, so she had a context.)
So I called her in September after the test. "Mom, everything's fine. And...it looks like I'm going to have that third child a lot sooner than planned."
N. and S. were born exactly 21 years ago, and it boggles the mind. One of things that I remember vividly about meeting them for the first time was how different it was from first time motherhood. When A. was born I was awed, captivated, a little frightened, and filled with a profound sense of meaningfulness and responsibility. It took some time before I wrapped my identity around motherhood (more on that when we get to A's birthday). By the time N. and S. came, I looked at them and instantly felt that I was their mom.
Nothing in my life has ever, or will ever, make me prouder or more filled with a sense of purpose than bearing and raising children. I didn't expect it to be that way. I was never a kid person when I was growing up, but you can't always predict these things.
Yes, it was exhausting. J. and I worked as a team with feeding and bathing charts so that we wouldn't feed the same baby twice and neglect the other -- believe me, in our perpetually bleary-eyed condition anything was possible. But we were also enthralled. A ten minute video of two babies hiccupping in a crib attests to our insanity of love.
This period also began the lifetime dynamic of sibling relationships. Little not-quite-two-year-old A. adored her new brother and sister. We'd prop a baby in her lap on a couch and she beamed with joy. Then one day she got up after a cuddling session and asked me, "When is their mommy going to come and take them home?"
I told her gently that this was their home, but I left out the part about me being their mommy. I'd give her time to sort that out.
*sigh* enough reminiscing for today. Happy Birthday N. and S.!
more wet yuck today out back. We had an inch or two of wet snow, but it will be rained away soon, I think. Here is the eastern sky a few minutes after official sunrise...