pre-spring trees in the rain:
In September of 1988 I called my mom to let her know the results of an ultrasound. We were worried that something was wrong with my pregnancy. Mom had been a bit concerned on my behalf already, since she felt I was having a second baby too soon; A. was only 16 months old when I found out that I was pregnant again.
"Well," Mom said after I reassured her, "Just wait a little longer before you have a third one."
(This came from the mother of five children, so she had a context.)
So I called her in September after the test. "Mom, everything's fine. And...it looks like I'm going to have that third child a lot sooner than planned."
N. and S. were born exactly 21 years ago, and it boggles the mind. One of things that I remember vividly about meeting them for the first time was how different it was from first time motherhood. When A. was born I was awed, captivated, a little frightened, and filled with a profound sense of meaningfulness and responsibility. It took some time before I wrapped my identity around motherhood (more on that when we get to A's birthday). By the time N. and S. came, I looked at them and instantly felt that I was their mom.
Nothing in my life has ever, or will ever, make me prouder or more filled with a sense of purpose than bearing and raising children. I didn't expect it to be that way. I was never a kid person when I was growing up, but you can't always predict these things.
Yes, it was exhausting. J. and I worked as a team with feeding and bathing charts so that we wouldn't feed the same baby twice and neglect the other -- believe me, in our perpetually bleary-eyed condition anything was possible. But we were also enthralled. A ten minute video of two babies hiccupping in a crib attests to our insanity of love.
This period also began the lifetime dynamic of sibling relationships. Little not-quite-two-year-old A. adored her new brother and sister. We'd prop a baby in her lap on a couch and she beamed with joy. Then one day she got up after a cuddling session and asked me, "When is their mommy going to come and take them home?"
I told her gently that this was their home, but I left out the part about me being their mommy. I'd give her time to sort that out.
*sigh* enough reminiscing for today. Happy Birthday N. and S.!
********************
more wet yuck today out back. We had an inch or two of wet snow, but it will be rained away soon, I think. Here is the eastern sky a few minutes after official sunrise...
awwwwwwwwwwwwww
ReplyDelete