A touch of a summer cold, too much time absorbed in a book, not enough exercise, and a nagging feeling of limbo had me pacing the floors in restlessness last night. I keep thinking it's really no big deal, that it's not affecting me that much, the fact that T is leaving for school on Monday.
But the reality is that I'm not entirely engaged in life right now. I'm waiting. I'm killing time until my nest reaches that long anticipated state of emptiness, so I can start a new kind of existence. Just a few more days. It's too easy to put everything off until I can give it my full attention. So I wait, and futz around, trying to act busy with one thing or another.
Of course, part of it is just rubbing off from T herself. Saying goodbye to her best friend who left for college the other day made it all seem suddenly real to her - and at the same time, unreal. She is filled with excited anticipation, can't wait to get started. But...there is that leaving everything else behind part, and that facing the unknown part. Both linger in the shadows, making it hard to clear the mind or sleep deeply.
She hasn't really started packing. We're both hovering.
Last night we sat up at the kitchen table talking about all kinds of things. Then she wanted to talk more, so I lingered in her bedroom until very late. Lots going on in that growing mind, and I might as well take advantage of its physical presence for a few more days.